In Minneapolis we had the experience of witnessing the highs and lows of modern tiki culture in one day. After an excellent lunch at Psycho Suzi’s, we still had a few hours until our flight left so we headed over to the Mall of America. (It’s very close to the airport; coincidence? I think not.)

James A. Teitelbaum’s Tiki Road Trip had mentioned there was a tiki restaurant here, so we set out to find it. But I was unprepared for the Margaritaville-esque nightmare that awaited us.

Granted, I actually kind of like the giant hibiscus flowers over the thatched bar, but all those pastel chairs hurt my eyes. Just wait, though, it gets worse, much worse…

Check out these huge hideous tikis out and about. And I thought the ones at Boutiki in Disney’s Polynesian Resort were bad.

There’s just something about the expression on this one that gives me the heebie-jeebies. (I guess it’s appropriate that I’m finally posting this around Halloween, this should be enough to give you the creeps.)

In fact I was so put off by this place that we didn’t even stay to try any of their drinks. We went to Dairy Queen for chocolate dipped cones instead.

EDITOR’S NOTE: KOKOMO’S ISLAND CAFE HAS SINCE CLOSED